Dealing with grief over the holidays

Surviving your first Christmas after the death of a loved one is tough. In a season of togetherness, it’s easy to feel alone.

Sherwood Library held a bereavement seminar with information on dealing with grief over the holidays.

Starting around the middle of November, signs of Christmas are almost unavoidable. And because there are so many memories associated with the holidays, it magnifies your sense of loss.

With signs of cheer everywhere you look, preparing for your first Christmas without a loved one brings back a flood of memories.

Julie Brooks: “Having eggnog Christmas Eve, of going to church together perhaps. Traditions of who comes over for brunch Christmas morning.”

Bereavement counsellor, Julie Brooks, teaches people how to cope during the holidays. people like Hilda West, who lost her daughter-in-law in February: “She loved Christmas, you know. What can you do? It’ll be different.”

Brooks suggests lighting a candle for your loved one, or sharing memories about them at holiday gatherings.

Hilda West: “She had this knack wrapping Christmas gifts. They were so fancy. This year, it’s going to be horrible because we’re not good at wrapping. But I could always tell a gift from her, you know?”

To get through the season, Brooks has 4 big tips:

1. Let yourself feel sad.

2. Plan ahead so you aren’t alone on Christmas.

3. Let Christmas be different this year.

4. And lower your expectations of yourself — you don’t have to do it all.

Holiday shopping can be especially tough. If you’re used to buying a gift for your loved one, Brooks suggests maybe buying something they would have liked and instead giving it to someone in need.

If you don’t feel up for shopping at all — you don’t have to shop.

Brooks: “Decide what is really important to you and to know that next year you may change it up again. You may have more energy, time, joy to enjoy the holidays and you might add more next year.”

You may want to be alone all the time while you’re grieving, but it’s good to get out at least once in a while. Brooks suggests setting a small goal, like spending 20 minutes at a party. If you are there and enjoying yourself, you can stay a bit longer. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or support — people around you will understand.